You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
