uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
