cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
