If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
