i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
