People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
