I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
