My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
