I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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