So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
