They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
