its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Blood and glitter go together right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
