You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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