She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
