i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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