Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
