About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
