I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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