I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
