3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
