Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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