I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
