Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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