all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
