just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
