I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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