I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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