Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
