I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
