whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
