I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
