At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
