she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
