i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
