someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
