you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
