About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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