I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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