Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
