if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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