Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
