So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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