she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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