my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
