You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
