Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
