I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
