it was like having sex with a tree stump
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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