I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
