Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
