My room smells like vodka and shame
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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