we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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