I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't think brook has ever known best
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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