I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
